She revels in how much she couldn’t eat,
And favors guests with bite-by-bite accounts
Of steaks foregone and casseroles’ defeat,
Sweets unsavored, succulence renounced,
Salads, fruits, and relishes galore
Spurned with a disdainful “Nevermore!”
She weighs in mightily on hearty eaters:
“My God, look how much food that man choked down!”
A simple piece of pie gives her the jitters.
She glares at it and sternly says, “Be gone!”
Fair Madame goes religiously to church,
But leaves religious suppers in the lurch.
If you are smart you’ll keep her portion spare.
“I’ll have a tiny bit of that,” she’ll quibble.
“No, no, you’ve given me too much by far!”
She’ll suck her fork and venture not a nibble.
She’d rather push a pea around her plate
Than deign to do right by a piece of meat.
Suppose she scored supper in Paradise,
A smorgasbord from the divine menu?
Looking around, she’d purse her lips and grouse,
“There’s too much pigging out in this venue.”
No doubt she’d up and leave with haughty grace,
And take her business to the Other Place.
Copyright (c) 2018 James Mansfield Nichols. All rights reserved.