Attention, Nashville balladeers: Key of… why not?… C. I commend this hatchling of a hit (be sure to credit me) to the key of C. 

The key of C is the key musicologists explain least incompetently but most deludedly. After poetry, by the way, musicology is the discipline I quarrel with the most. Just as most attempts at making poems fail, no musicologist succeeds in explaining basic music theory.

The musicologist thinks <pronoun> should start with the simplest case: the key of C. As if, by acquiring an understanding of the simplest case, you will progress, more or less under your own power, to understanding the key of — I dunno, pick a letter: B? The entire project of musicology is built on a misconception as to how we learn. Do the hard part first. The easy comes later.

Here are my words:

Uncut calf in an old boy stetson
Fallen on hard tunes, drinkin’ on a dime,
Pretty girlin’ them country roads, sweet Sue
‘Neath a damn fine country moon so true
Tailgate’n longnecks, busted plumb UP
Got the DIS-stressed BE-spoke bluejean blues

Honey how did I
Did I ever
Ever let YOU outta my sight
Walk outta my Friday night?

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