EthicalDative

Mallory and Chess Peavy had their twins, Heather and Feather, when Chess was a senior and Mallory was a sophomore. Jester and Kincaid wanted Chess to get an Associate’s in Kinesiology from Blane so he could coach at the District, but you know kids. Kenny Barfield, the JP, married them in his house. The commode had overflowed at the Precinct.

Sturgis McElroy got Chess a Tom’s Toasted Snacks route. He finally got on at the District, but in maintenance, not coaching. By then, Heather and Feather were in preschool. Rodeo, their third, was one-and-a-half, and stayed a lot with his grandmomma.

After Rodeo came, Mallory dropped out of school again and got on at Mustang Mart checking groceries. She’s pregnant with Bliss now, and having trouble staying on her feet for long periods. She wants to home-school the twins after she gets her GED. I hope she can get a sit-down job. Even after Bliss is born, she’ll have trouble standing for very long, what with that little bit of weight she’s picked up.

(Copyright 2018 James Mansfield Nichols. All rights reserved.)

Felicity and her friend Nigella depart Felicity’s family’s thirty-two-room summer house in order to meet Giles and Trevor for high tea at the Chancery Buttery near Vauxhall Mews. Their chauffeured Bentley will traverse the twenty-seven kilometres at an average rate of 47.3 kilometres per hour. At kilometre two the following exchange takes place:

Felicity: “That hat is so last season. Did your mum fob it off on you?”

Nigella: “No, dear, it’s Harrod’s Fourth Floor, actually. You won’t find this design at that dreary milliner’s on the mezzanine. Oh, I’m sorry! You shop there, do you not?”

Question: What distance does the Bentley travel during the 18 minutes of silence that ensue?

(Copyright 2018 James Mansfield Nichols. All rights reserved.)

Towne Crier
Chichesterton-Upon-Hogmill
URGENT BULLETIN

Instances of petty theft in Chichesterton-Upon-Hogmill have been remarked upon by our readers for a second fortnight.

Be so kind as to report to the Constabulary the presence of any persons of dubious aspect, howsoever benign-seeming, whom you may spy lurking about in public spaces.

Make no mistake: A “mother” dandling her infant may disguise a larcenous proclivity endemic, be it said in passing, to the inferior classes. Monitor your servants for unaccustomed bedizenment betokening an unearned windfall. The fair wages you pay do not support frippery.

Vigilance, Eminent Citizens! It’s the cross that privilege bears.

Faithfully,
Your Editor
(Copyright 2018 James Mansfield Nichols. All rights reserved. )