Fay Dawne Burmeister was valedictorian the year Boog Jeeters got his lacerated kidney in the game against Horne. When Boog was born, Lonnie wanted to call him Booger. Can you feature that? Booger Jeeters. Reba wouldn’t have it, said no fruit of her womb was gonna be called Booger. She wanted to name the baby Peter after her daddy, but Lonnie said Peter Jeeters sounded like the funny papers. So Boog’s real name is Johnny Mack, but Lonnie called him Boog from day one and that name stuck.

Fay Dawne, I was saying, is too pretty for her own good, but smart. I hope she learns to cook like her momma. Hollie Jean makes the best chicken-fried frankfurters in the world. Says her secret is condensed milk and pancake mix for the batter. She also makes a mean Jello pudding with whipped cream, and puts minimarshmallows in it. Those tricks are hard to teach, you just have to have a feel for the kitchen. I hope Fay Dawne gets it. I don’t care what you say, the way to a man’s heart is not through his fly. That wears off soon enough, and what’s left is his stomach.

(Copyright 2018 James Mansfield Nichols. All rights reserved.)