EthicalDative

(Continued from https://ethicaldative.com/2021/08/26/the-velvetizing-of-the-manacles/)

We pause a moment to acknowledge the figmentary birthday of Wally, Lord Fuchs, a foundering father of the trifecta that groomed Isthmia. — O Isthmia of temps perdu, whose sorry plight we strive to misconstrue!

From the moment the future lord’s yacht took on water, forcing him to swim to shore, he began scribbling a new business plan on scraps of salvaged bandwidth. After his evolution from hedge fund manager fallen on end times to co-titan of a moribund hegemony, his treatise “On the Origin of Specials: A Treatment of Privilege” became the constituting mission statement of Isthmia Inc, the tiny republic.

Lord Fuchs’s conspiring journey is an object lesson in how the wealthy can recover from adversity. Vanquished portfolios can be rebuilt from asset tatters and salvaged trust funds. Still fondly known as Wally in the Mar-a-Gogo Gentleman’s Club, his pithy apothegm was often cited: “Pudding can be pulled from porridge with elbow grease and family fortune.”

(c) 2021 JMN — EthicalDative. All rights reserved

(Continued from https://ethicaldative.com/2021/08/24/to-locate-a-bullseye-look-under-the-tail/)

Market indices were plussing, stats were booming. Organ inventories were super stoked. An irrational exuberance gripped Isthmian rentier circles, prompting Montmorency XIV to proclaim an unpresidented “velvetizing of the manacles.”

The announcement lit up the west wing of the Merlot Palace. Consulting intently with itself, the precedential wall of advisors hit upon the expedient of asking XIV what to do. He suggested handing the slogan to his agency to work up an idea.

HPF Advertising, famous for its MIGA campaign, created the Adopt a Ding promotion. A meme blitzkrieg from HPF Communications lobbied patricians to visit a kindness on a juvenile ding for the duration of “thrice a score of days.”

The mansion district leapt languidly to the charge, ever keen for a distraction. Upon expiry of the relaxation it seemed as if its purpose had been served. Future organ donors basked in their brief window for selfies next to important persons. The latter corresponded with good feelings about themselves. A question hangs in the air then: Why do historians now utter “Adopt a Ding campaign” and “infamous” in the same breath?

(c) 2021 JMN — EthicalDative. All rights reserved

(Continued from https://ethicaldative.com/2021/08/22/mothers-milk-of-the-bloviation-economy-data-fracking/)

When Luz-bint-Wanda went to the sky — May she frolic in meadows of asphodel and clover — Astrid-daughter-of-Frick inherited her clout. Astrid’s grandmother twice removed was a half-sibling of Wanda’s love-child fatherlessed by the prehistoric tool pusher known as Kirk the Philanderer.

Astrid was a humdinger in her day. You’ve seen her without realizing it. She modeled for DeQuincy Fitz-Auchincloss’s iconic “Arrangement in Beige & Puce.” You’re less likely to know that hers is the coltish profile on Isthmian crypto coin excavated from fossil silicon.

Her second lifetime found Astrid in the role of leader in the Posse of Matrons. She held the powerful legislative post for what felt like eons. Astrid could pluck a tick of dissent off the body politic and squash it on social media like a duck on a dung beetle. She was also a deft evangelist for strict-construction donorism, known to bellow passages of the Magnificat naked from her penthouse balcony during her morning ablutions.

In his late precedency Montmorency XIV was asked by a journalist if Astrid was a de facto éminence grise. His reply was, “It’s far from dubious.”

(c) 2021 JMN — EthicalDative. All rights reserved

(Continued from https://ethicaldative.com/2021/08/19/5geewhiz-deceasement-tool/)

Que haya Luz. Y hubo Luz. (“Let there be Luz. And there was Luz.” (Carved over the majestic gated entrance to the Merlot Palace at Mar-a-Gogo).

The Beni Montmorency hogged the Precedency for so long it was virtually a family business. Fellow Rhipidistians colluded with the Mo’nasty because it made the dividends arrive on time. But it was the Mamasutras who tended to business and kept the lights on, which included presiding over vital data fracking.

The mother of advanced fracking was Luz-bint-Wanda, who innovated frack-tech with Actual Intelligence. AI-enrichment enabled ancient appellate-case sediments to be mined with stunning cunning. Rich biases were extracted from texts that had long stopped breathing. Hoary raw opinion buried deep in desiccated spunk was revived intact.

Luzian fracking contributed to the anthropologic blossom of bloviation that golden-aged in the waning months of the conglomerate. It also set the stage for the train wreck at Mar-a-Gogo. That event is the cloudy summit toward which the gobbets of story chucked along this switchback of narrative are trending.

(c) 2021 JMN — EthicalDative. All rights reserved

(Continued from https://ethicaldative.com/2021/08/14/organic-replacement-therapy-ort/)

The genius of DA was that it confected an airy patristic doxology for mundane organ inventory management. It was like how the old painters draped their boring martyrs in sumptuous satins. The symbolism of one liver and two kidneys blew new gas into the number “three.” The scripture preached as follows:

1. You are but a a paltry pixel on the Book of InstaFace. 2. Verily, however, pieces of you inside a trio (or foursome) of effulgent Influencers will make you part of their Big Picture. 3. And you will be a multiplied pinpoint of oneness with their slenderness and glowing skin! (‘Magnificat of Prismatic Multiplication,’ I, 1-3)

It was a slippery pitch, but it slotted comfortably into faith-based cerebration. U N2 3R4 (“you into 3 or 4”) meme-swamped the platforms and the campaign went legendary.

Historical note: The R4 heresy sprouted when cornea transplants became common. Sect-wars flared over whether coordination implied disjunction (a theological fallacy), whether the meme should be R5 (contended by the split-cornealists), how many decayed protons fit in a pixel, etc. etc. Eventually the schismatics were placated and shrugged off.

(c) 2021 JMN — EthicalDative. All rights reserved

(Continued from https://ethicaldative.com/2021/08/12/hang-on-a-minute-we-need-untouchables/)

Make Isthmia Glorious Always was the slogan of the MIGA KannonBall lottery. The lottery and ubiquitous MIGA swag made it a household word in the ding warrens. The religiously hyped game awarded three monthly winners a cash payout for their newborns.

Juvenile Kballers were housed on the donor farms throughout their cycle of cultivation. Technicians lavished them with rich injective nutrients, and gently administered Texas cologne at harvest time. Irrelevant tissue was processed into protein nuggets for the Fils-Filet franchises.

The farming had started as a workaround. Elevated liver turnover in the mansion district turned it into a profit-rocket. Heavily You-tubalized and groupied in the Facial Commune, it was trademarked as Organic Replacement Therapy. The epic staying power it gave high-status Isthmians drew huge investment. 

HP&F, the agency behind the MIGA campaign, created the Distributed Afterlife promo that lent an optics of pious patriotism to conscripted donoring.

(c) 2021 JMN — EthicalDative. All rights reserved

(Continued from https://ethicaldative.com/2021/08/10/the-better-monday-agreement/)

Old money needs kowtowing like a pig needs mud. Imagine a baseless pyramid if you can. No more could the Isthmian Brahmin caste thrive, absent a barred precariat, than an influencer devoid of dupes. 

Providentially, in the misty paleo-era of the founding foundering, a dinghy holding a guy and several gals bumped ashore on that muddy beach where Chuck, Hugh and Wally had planted their pennant. The dinghy carried the skeletal crew of Chuck’s yacht, the Bimini Babe. 

Now, in the post pre-history timeframe of Isthmian reckoning, the progeny of the rogue dinghy pullulated in rampant extramural warrens, infesting endless piles of flats styled after Brutalist doodles. Known as the dings, this scrappy hoi polloi lived largely from gigs and side hacks hustled in the high-status neighborhoods. Their raison d’être for the Isthmian establishment was their organs.

(c) 2021 JMN — EthicalDative. All rights reserved