
Juan Gris, “Guitare sur une table,” from 1916, at Helly Nahmad. Credit via Helly Nahmad Gallery.
I’m not a rocker or blues man on a Gibson. I can make a long-fingered foray into the twelfth-fret region, but it’s not fruitful. When I mention “buck-effing” around the fretboard, therefore, only one B-C and E-F pair obtains per string. That’s final.
The premise of buck-effing is if you can swoop to the B and E on each string, naturally occurring diatonic semitones (NODS) get you to the following note virtually in your sleep. It’s the very next buck-effing fret every time.
Here’s a string-by-string tick-off of the pairs:
(1-0E/1-1F) (1-7B/1-8C)
(2-0B/2-1F) (2-5E/2-6F)
(3-4B/3-5C) (3-9E/3-10F)
(4-2E/4-3F) (4-9B/4-10C)
(5-2B/5-3C) (5-7E/5-8F)
(6-0E/6-1F) (6-7B/6-8C)
You’re four-sevenths of the way to note nirvana after several months of intense work on this shortcut. That leaves just A-D-G, which I tag with ADAGE for easy recall.
There you have it. In the quest to subvert musicology we’ve added NODS to OOF and OOP. It’s time to fabricate a cockamamie expedient for ADAGE — coming next.
(c) 2019 JMN







“Lay, Lady, Lay.”
Selfie with dead bird.
“Lay across my big brass bed.”
The Bob Dylan song encapsulates the entrenched American muddle around “lie” and “lay.” The victory of “lay” is all but complete.
It’s obvious the song invites the lady to sexual congress, not to a nap. The third iteration drives home the corrupt overlay of “lie” with “lay.”
I lay this particular muddle at the door of an old bedtime prayer: “Now I lay me down to sleep.” The prayer is phrased correctly, but convincing someone that it’s technically not kosher to say “lay down to sleep,” omitting the reflexive pronoun, is as hard as enlightening a climate change denier on a cold day.
So it goes. The living language has a mind of its own. Popular solecism trumps stodgy correctitude. When certain of us lie down for our last sleep, this now-picayune rule will lay down with us.
Selfie with spilt rum.
(c) 2019 JMN