EthicalDative

(Continued from https://ethicaldative.com/2021/06/12/your-kingdom-has-dang-near-come/)

Astrid was the fatherless child of a tool-pusher named Kirk Frick. Her core story is that she franchised her way out of puberty to merge with a founding partner of Huff Pugh Fuchs. We’ll develop Astrid Frick Fuchs when we need her, but let’s do a little foregrounding first.

It was the fraught decade of the aughts. Trophy hunting was pitiful. All the wild game was virtually shot up. Sportsmen had to plink at domesticated prey to kill anything at all. In this bleak scenario a lucky GOB named Fred bagged a quasi-extinct tundra coney. As he emptied his clip skyward in celebratory gunfire, Fred inadvertently shot off his face.

A search party found Fred facedown in a puddle of smegma-like fluid. The icky ooze had exerted startling antisepsis on his effaced face. The mess of bone and tissue was still pink and vibrant.

They were fixing to trundle the cadaver back to town when a fella named Wayne noticed their dualie was sitting on empty. Fred was rapidly putrefying now on the Dodge’s tailgate. The party discussed thumbing a ride on the interstate. “Let’s try some of this stuff first,” Wayne said.

They scooped fluid into empty hooch cartons and dumped it into the dualie’s tank. It not only got them home, it tripled the truck’s rated MPG and improved its performance. News of the incident got around in good-old-boy circles.

(c) 2021 JMN — EthicalDative. All rights reserved.

(Continued from https://ethicaldative.com/2021/06/11/lets-imagine-you-successful/)

You believe the nuttiness sickening the land could be flared off by a good fracking. For a guy who will sue the “bejeepers” out of someone if provoked, you’re oddly comfortable with the word “butthole.”

You lead from closed-door meetings. “Absolutely not” is how you say “no.”

Did we mention you’re a man in this figment? There, we’ve said it. Step into the light. A woman risks being collaborative, unassuming, flexible, subtle, kind, empathic, modest, and strong. We can’t work with that.

You’re a stinker, Todd, but you’re not complicated. Mile wide, inch deep. Your life is a business plan. Here we float the standard disclaimer: If someone out there resembles you it’s not Nick’s fault. Give a nod of assent, that’ll do.

Now that we have a contract, let’s try to make you interesting. You descend from Astrid Frick Fuchs, a doyenne of the rentier class spawned by the smegma boom of the 2020s in the Wisp isthmus.

(c) 2021 JMN — EthicalDative. All rights reserved

(Continued from https://ethicaldative.com/2021/06/10/branded-figments/)

Call you Todd. Or Rand, or Blake, or Trent, or Rock, or Chip. You don’t want just to make money; you want to invent money. You swing in and out of cocktail colloquies like a metropolitan Tarzan. “Let me stop you right there” is your conversation opener.

You’re a deacon in a megachurch with valet parking. In your view the Bible is fairly representative of God’s thinking. That thinking could evolve if the Lord wanted it to, but it doesn’t. Nowhere in the Good Book does God say don’t do this, and don’t do this, and don’t do this — and I’ll tell you later what not to do next. The Almighty thought stuff all the way through, and that was that. Rock of ages.

Your palaver has a coy gaminess. You give it ungreased to adversaries; they bend over and take it. If a subordinate underperforms in your estimation, you say he should find a better use for his right hand.

As figments go, you’re giving Nick a chubby, Todd. Even your favorite number is figmentary: bezillion. If your German car has a bumper sticker that says “Insured by Smith and Wesson” and one that says “My Boss is a Jewish carpenter,” your kingdom has dang near come!

(c) 2021 JMN — EthicalDative. All rights reserved

Branded Figments is where the Nickster hangs his tout’s cap. His slogan is: Business can be laughable, and still be business.

Are you unbranded or offbranded? Outgrown your brand? Hankering for bespoke? Talk to Nick Mansfield.

Nick can leverage you into an incredible BF fiction product. You don’t have to be a Kardashian to have aura. Let’s get mythical.

Imagine the guy who murdered an abortion doctor is holding a baby. What would the guy do if he knew the baby would grow up to be an abortion doctor?

Imagine a Texas governor who only acts mean to attract donors. He intends to spring kindness on his state any day now; to smite liberals with the ass’s jawbone of scriptural love.

That was just practice. Now, let’s imagine you successful.

(c) 2021 JMN — EthicalDative. All rights reserved